I’m sitting here today thinking about all the things that have changed in the past year and I just wanted to see some of them listed in print.
*We lost the precious littlest biggest light of our lives.
*I started working again for the first time in 10 years.
*I became the ministry leader of our Celebrate Recovery ministry at Grace.
*Emma became a high schooler and has grown up so much. More than some kids should have to at her age.
*Jackson started middle school and has started trying new things and branching out of his comfort zone.
*Jack felt called to pursue an aviation mission position with MAF.
*RJ started un-schooling and has been bonding with me in a way he never has before.
This has definitely been a year of change and tomorrow decides if this next year brings more change than we could’ve ever imagined.
Thinking of all this change made me think of a little miracle that has been going on right outside my back door for the last couples of weeks…..
Remember the post last year about the little lilac? It is one of my most quoted and remembered posts that I have ever written. I look back at it now and see that I didn’t write that, the Holy Spirit did. He had foreknowledge that I didn’t. It was so clear we had only precious hours with Laila but I didn’t realize it. He did. He knew change was coming and He was preparing my heart (and some of yours) for that change. That is how much He loves us. Do you know that? Can you understand it in your heart? Sometimes I can but sometimes it’s too much for my small brain to comprehend.
So anyway because you are all so thoughtful, several of you gave us lilac gifts at the funeral and two groups of people even got us lilac bushes. I’m going to confess to you today that I let those lilacs die. I’m so sorry to those that got them for us but keep reading and I’ll tell you just how good our God is. Hold on with me for a few more minutes… so I let those plants die and I felt so bad about it. I just couldn’t plant them. I’m not sure why. It felt so permanent and I couldn’t decide where they should go and almost every day I would watch them shrivel up more and more but I just couldn’t plant them. Maybe there’s something more there to psychoanalyze, I don’t know. But either way, I felt terrible that I had let these beautiful, thoughtful plants die when they were supposed to represent Laila.
Those shriveled up lilac bushes started to get buds and grow a few weeks ago. Those buds of new life have spoke volumes to me these past few weeks more than they ever could’ve if I had planted them. Should I have taken better care of them? Yes. Can God take my mistakes, my hurts, my shortcomings, and turn them into something beautiful to teach me? Sweet friends… that’s the name of His game.
Seeing beauty from something I thought was gone. Seeing that change can come and be beautiful in completely unexpected ways. Well I just think that is God’s face shining on me to continue to teach me to trust Him… even in change, even when I’m scared.
I write this today not knowing what tomorrow will bring us or what you may be going through either but please know He’s got you, and He’s got me. Will you trust Him alongside me?
If there is anything I can pray for you today please inbox me on Facebook. I’m gonna take some time to pray over your precious souls and lift you to our Father who loves each of us, no matter where we are.
2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old things passed away and behold, new things have come.”
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His good purpose.”