The Grief Calling

I’m currently writing to you from the passenger seat of our minivan as we drive across the country to our candidacy phase of joining Mission Aviation Fellowship in long term overseas mission work.  Whoa.

Saying goodbyes was not my favorite thing and this time it is only for six weeks.  I do not look forward to those long term goodbyes in a year or so…

Sometimes I get bogged down with how much grief we put those around us through as we continue to follow the call God puts on our life.  Throughout the things we have followed Him to, it has not only affected us but those around us.  That is really hard.

Laila’s death was a huge part of that.  Knowing that we followed God in finding and adopting her but then watching how many lives she touched and how grief stricken so many people were alongside us when she died was overwhelming at times.  I never regretted one minute with her and we would chose her over and over again but I would be lying if I said I didn’t struggle watching her siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, classmates, teachers, doctors, therapists and friends REALLY struggle with her death.  Watching some need counseling and some dive into depression was very hard.  It is hard to know that these people who were along for the ride with us really had no say so in it.

And now this new calling  and the grief that goes along with that.  See, I almost typed “that we are causing” but I really have to take that thought captive and realize that we are not causing it.  It is just a part of this and I have to choose God and His plan over anything else.  But it is still SO hard.  It is so hard to watch our parents realize that they are now having our other three children taken far away from them so soon after grieving the loss of Laila.  Watching close friends grieve as it will be harder to be there for each other and wondering if this friendship is one that will make it through this huge refinement.

Above all else I have learned to that to please my heavenly Father is the number one goal.  He makes all things right in His time and all of the things that have caused grief have also caused much joy.  MUCH joy!

If you have been dragged through the grief of being part of the Hamstra journey, we thank you.  Thank you for sticking it out with us and please continue to do so.  We hope you have found joy along with the sorrow.

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”\

We love you and we thank you!  Today is our longest travel day as we journey hopefully to the border of South Dakota.  We appreciate your prayers and we will keep you updated!

 


About Angie

My greatest desire in life was always to be a wife and mother. As I try to do these things to the best of my ability some days I pull my hair out, some days I cry, sometimes I laugh until my stomach hurts and EVERYDAY I thank God for giving me the desires of my heart in His timing and His will and ask Him to give me the strength to do it His way.


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