Blog…. you have a blog?

Blogging is both freeing and overwhelming for me.  I love it and I hate it.  OK, I really love it but I hate when I don’t have time to get all my thoughts out and then ideas and topics pile up and pile up in my head until I have this very overwhelming list of things to write about so… I avoid writing at all.

Having four kids is busy.  Having four kids with two of them with special needs is busy.  Having four kids all getting into an age with extra activites, and doctors and therapies and church and on and on and on makes me spend most hours of my life going literally hour by hour knowing that I only ever have 15 more minutes before it is on to the next task.

I was doing OK with the busy schedule and sneaking a blog or two in here and there but then I really struggled with a whole different subject.  I was really having a hard time with the fact that my two bio kids really got lost in all of this shuffle.  I realized that since their two siblings are not only adopted but also different, they got lost.  I had a family blog that I kept up with somewhat regularly before the Lord turned our lives upside down four years ago and eventually that turned into mostly the Laila blog.  She’s amazing and miraculous and you can clearly see the works the Lord does in her everyday but isn’t that true of all of my kids.  Then RJ came along with the roller coaster that has been our lives for the past two years and I had this site and the blessing of encouraging and sharing our story with so many others was amazing.  But again….. where were all the amazing things the other three were doing during that time.

See, I’m a type A, borderline OCD person.  I’m black and white and when things are created for a certain purpose then that is all they can be.  Well, I thought I couldn’t really write about all my kids on here because this is afterall “Adopting Judah.”  But guess what….It’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to.  Ahhhhh, I want to backspace into oblivion just typing that.  I’m really realizing I have major people pleasing…. control…. and lots of other types of issues.  Man, good thing I’m in a good bible study this year to help me figure out some of this ;)

I want to write about all of my kids on here.  I don’t want my other blog and this one and constantly to feel like I need to keep everything separated which causes me to get overwhelmed and write nothing at all.  I started writing a bit about this on my family blog and was upset that people only say hi to RJ and Laila mostly in public while Emma and Jackson linger in the background but then I realized over the summer that I facilitated this environment.  Of course people know and talk to the “different” two because I throw all the stuff about them out there for all to read while the other two stand aside and watch.  No more.

So, I’m hoping to write more.  About all my kids.  I’d love to tell you about Emma, my oldest, and how she just chopped all of her hair off and looks adorable but kids at school are cruel and she cries because they’re calling her a boy.  I’d love to tell you about Jackson and his completely tender heart and how even though he’s almost 9, he curled up on my lap the other night and didn’t move for over 20 minutes because he needed some extra special love.  I love sharing RJ with you and though I haven’t written much lately since we’ve turned such a corner with him, can I just say we hit the adoption jackpot with this guy!  And our Laila is growing into some serious sass and told me the other day that “this table is the most dirty I’ve ever seen in my whole totally life mom!”  I wanna record and use this for all my kiddos and I’m going to because it’s mine.  (Well technically my brother in law created it and I’m wondering now all of a sudden if I owe some money for some fees or something…) Kev??   Sorry, typing out loud there!

More to come later but I thought I’d let you in on what I’ve been up to here.  If you’d like to get to know a little more about the whole family background you can check out our family blog here.  Again it overwhlemed me to think about explaining everyone so I’ll just throw that out there for you to read on your own.

Not sure if anyone even reads this anymore but writing is therapeutic to me so I need this.  Thanks for understanding and loving ALL my kids :)