Day 29

Today marks one month since the day Laila checked in for pre-op. A month… I never would’ve thought.

I’m pretty grumpy about it. Just a down day I guess. That happens. Didn’t help that today was a holiday. And I know I should count my blessings and I know that Easter is truly about Christ and my little sufferings are nothing compared to His sacrifice. I know these things in my head but today my heart missed corporate worship and playing outside with my kids and writing their names out in jelly beans and spending time with our whole family. No family pictures and matching outfits for us this year. I miss home.

I also know my anxiety and sadness had to do with the fact that I knew Jack and the kids were heading home tonight. I love having Jack here to help me figure all of this out. I was very spoiled by so much time with him here this past week. Back to normal for them and here Laila and I stay.

We decided to push her feedings a little more today since we really don’t want to have to get the central line replaced tomorrow. We’d rather it just come out altogether and be done with TPN feeding. It seemed like it was going well until we checked her stomach for the 6:00 feeding and ended up pulling 400ml of milk back out through her gtube…. So we cancelled that last feeding. I’ll be interested to hear what the doctors say about that in the morning too.

Her speech is worse. It is so weird to have her talking but not saying real words. It reminds me of a stroke victim. She thinks she is telling me something but the only real words that come out are a few names and yes and no, the rest is slurred jibberish. I’m going to ask them to call her neurologist tomorrow.

We changed the ostomy bag.. Twice today. This is getting ridiculous. And it’s already about to leak again. Today I even used a heat pack to try to get the adhesive to really stick but it didn’t. I know we are doing it right so something else is wrong.

So the moral of my story today is that I have changed my name to Debbie Downer. I’m allowed to do that sometimes I think. Tomorrow’s a new day.

Happy Easter :)

Lamentations 3:22-24 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning;great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“therefore I will hope in him.”