New Day

How am I?  Well….. I just don’t know, really.  There have been a few days where I haven’t cried.  I wasn’t sure that would ever happen.  The days where I sob are less although when the floodgate opens it feels like I’m going under for a bit but God always brings me back up again.

This weekend had a lot of triggers for me.  Things that are joyous but also bring sorrow.  One time I did a study on the book of James and remember vividly learning how joy and sorrow are very closely related and sometimes you can’t tell the difference.  That didn’t make as much sense back then like it does now.

This weekend a new park opened in our town that is handicap accessible.  Three amazing women in our community had a dream for it and they saw it through and made it happen.  Amazing.  A donation was made in Laila’s name to help them reach a matching grant that helped make this happen.  At the ribbon cutting ceremony they recognized Laila and all that she meant to so many people and it truly was beautiful to be a part of.  But also, it was so heartbreaking to look at that playground and never be able to see her there…..

Then there was church.  Church rips me to shreds every. single. Sunday.  I’m a music gal through and through.  Every Sunday in worship I bawl like a baby, thankful for lighting and sound that let me have my moments without drawing too much attention to myself.  (thank you worship team for always being so amazing!)  Just singing praise to an awesome God and knowing that He cares and weeps alongside me.  Singing words that I absolutely know are true but man do I wish He would just come back and make all things right in this broken, hurting world.

Last night we had a special service where Dr. Jeff Huxford came back to town to tell about all that God has been doing in his life after his near fatal accident several years ago.  Watching him on stage has always been a miracle since his accident but also seeing him give God praise and seeking Him in what is next and how God can use his tragedy to draw people near was definitely inspiring.  You can check out his blog by clicking here.  He brought a new artist named Becca Bradley with him to perform some of her songs and again God used song and worship to keep reminding me that He is working all things out for the good of His purpose.  You can also check out her info by clicking here.  One thing after another, with eyes open to see, God is encouraging me and holding me close.

So, how am I?  Well… I’m normal I guess.  Whatever that means.  I lost a beautiful, joyous part of my life who will never be replaced.  The days roll by and people move on and yet the hole remains and always will.  I will never be the same.  A sorrow will remain in my heart and my life forever.  Although there are a few things in my life that are bringing me new joy.  I have rediscovered my love for nature and outdoors.  I’m loving hiking and kayaking the most right now but since I can’t do those things every day, I settle for sitting in my backyard laughing at our new baby goat and all the crazy stuff she does.  We named her Ann :).  I’m also spending time outside while I train for a half marathon that Jack, Emma and I are doing in November to raise money for World Vision.  Some of my time is also spent working for a friend of ours who owns a resale shop here in town and I’m enjoying that, too.  And of course my bible reading and my work in Celebrate Recovery are my main focus.  I’m so so thankful for that ministry and what has done in my life and the lives of so many others who walk through the doors.

One last thing I wanted to leave you with today.  I’ve stated this before but each of my kiddos have a song that I feel for them.  Again with the music thing!  While I was out training the other day, Laila’s song came on.  Hers has always been New Day by the Robbie Seay Band.  It’s lyrics talk about seeing something and not realizing how incredibly beautiful it is until later on.  I always thought of this because of Laila’s difficulties physically and also her rough beginning of life but how all of those things led her to me and how all of that from the human eye might not look beautiful but when you look past it all, it truly truly is.  Well anyway, while I was walking and praying and listening  I felt God tell me that this song still applies to me today.  This situation is not beautiful but God is bringing beauty from it…… a scholarship, a park, hundreds of changed hearts….. I have to choose to see it.  I’ve listed the lyrics below but for best effect you wanna take a listen on youtube, I used it for Laila’s adoption video.

Is there anything in your life that you need to adjust your focus on today?  Anything God might be trying to make beautiful.  Dear friends I hope and pray we can find beauty together today.  Thanks for sharing this journey with me.  If nothing else I hope the picture of #annthegoat made you smile :)

I’m gonna sing this song to let you know that you’re not alone
And if you’re like me, you need hope, coffee and melody
So sit back down and let the world keep spinning ’round
For yesterday’s gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

And it might not be the prettiest thing that you’ll ever see
But it’s a new day, ah baby, it’s a new day

And it might not look like a beautiful sunrise
But it’s a new day, ah baby, it’s a new day

I’m a pilgrim soul, I’ve traveled far and come back home
And this land is hard and cold for those who long to love
And I know it might seem that the world is crumbling
But it’s me and you dancing in the kitchen at 2 A.M. and we’re still alive

And it might not be the prettiest thing that you’ll ever see
But it’s a new day, ah baby, it’s a new day
And it might not look like a beautiful sunrise
But it’s a new day, ah baby, it’s a new day

It’s the calm of the storm that comes blowing in
It’s the springtime saying I’m back again
The clouds that roll by crossing moonlight
Me and you, love, everything’s alright

Standing in the rain with nowhere to go
Laughing and we’re spinning and I hope that you
Remember this day for the rest of your life
Me and you, love, everything’s gonna be alright

And it just might be the prettiest thing that you’ll ever see
Well it’s a new day, ah baby, it’s a new day
If you look outside to see a beautiful sunrise
Well it’s a new day, ah new day, it’s a new day

And it just might be the prettiest thing that you’ll ever see
Well it’s a new day, ah baby, it’s a new day
If you look outside to see a beautiful sunrise
Oh it’s a new day, it’s a new day, it’s a new day

It’s the calm of the storm that comes blowing in
It’s the springtime saying I’m back again
The clouds that roll by crossing moonlight
Me and you, love, everything’s alright

Standing in the rain with nowhere to go
Laughing and we’re spinning and I hope that you
Remember this day for the rest of your life
Me and you, love, everything’s gonna be alright

I’m gonna sing this song to let you know that you’re not alone
And if you’re like me, you need hope, coffee and melody

Hebrews 12:1-2

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!