Another Empty Room

May.  Oh, May.

May is such a tough month for us.  Our Laila’s birthday is on the 2nd and her death date is tomorrow (the 22nd).  I never get to know when the grief will hit and how hard and for how long.  It’s been a rough one this year.

This May has been extra emotional as well because Emma is graduating and moving out.  I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do without her.  I’m currently sitting in her empty room while she’s at school.  Crying.  We had to pack up her things a week early because we need to ship them ahead of us because of airline luggage restrictions.  One week from this evening she graduates high school and one week and 12 hrs from this evening we start our journey to bring her back to America for college.

My girl.  My girls… will not be right here with me anymore. 

Emma and I have this weird, amazing, maybe a bit co-dependent…. relationship.  I’ve laid in her bed with her almost every night since she was born.  We read the Word together and she tells me about her life and I tell her about mine.  It started when she was little and she was trying to avoid bedtime so she’d just keep talking and talking.  I let her talk.  And then as the time when on, that made her feel comfortable to share her life with me when the things she needed to talk about were more serious.

We’ve bonded over coffee and Gilmore Girls and The Office and all the things of life along the way.  This relationship was built out of intentionality and a lot of hardship.  My girl grieves like me and understands me.  She is my mini-me.

I repeat – what will I do without her?

BUT… I’m so stinkin’ proud of her and excited for her for the next adventure that awaits!  I’m over the moon excited that she’s going to Bible College and that she has such a passion for the Word and understanding God’s plan for her life.  I’m SO proud of her work ethic and maturity and love for serving God and His people.  I’m thankful that she’s going to be living by family in the States and loved on by many.

If you think about us, would you pray for us as we process this big change in our lives?  I do not look forward to that goodbye in a few short months when she stays in Chicago and I fly 10,000 miles away from her.

I love my boys and they bring me such joy as well.  But, I’m gonna take these next few months to process this new life without my girls.