Off the Grid

Wow, I it has been a year.  Blogging gets so overwhelming in my mind that I just avoid it for awhile but I miss it and I’m sad I don’t get things documented, especially with my very poor memory.  So today instead of feeling like I need to catch up on a year of blogging, I’m just gonna write what I feel like writing instead.

I adore my kids.  I really do.  They are the coolest bunch of weirdos alive and I’m so very thankful for them.  My life is weird and doesn’t look like anyone else’s.  I know that none of us look the same but really…. mine is crazy different.  Agree, don’t agree, I don’t really care.  I love that I have been able to get to this point.

I’m re-reading the Connected Child again.  I need to.  I adore my son RJ but man has this one thrown me for a loop.  I’m having the hardest time because I so badly want to just let him be himself but I just can’t figure out who that is.  Is it the silly laughing fun wacko or is that an act.  Is it the quiet, keep to himself reader who absolutely loves Jesus?  Is it the boy who will stare at you in defiance and say the few words that he knows make you blood boil and wants punishment?  Is it all of them?  I don’t know.  I don’t know when to push him or when not to.  I don’t know when to just leave him alone or when to make him engage with others.  This one is a tough kid but man is he cute :)

Being away from home is hard for my adopted kiddos.  Even our trip to Disney was hard and that is the funnest place on Earth.  The greatest thing in the past year is that I’m starting to be right there with them.  I’d rather to be at home in our normal routines with no outside influence to mess up our balance as well.  I think that is cool.  I can feel some of the things that they feel without having some of the trauma that they have had.  A God thing I would say.  Love and empathy beyond comprehension.  Sometimes I think that is also why it is so hard for me when I see them struggle, I can feel it but I can’t describe it.  Like them.

My marriage is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Special needs adoptive parents, the odds are absolutely stacked against us.  Our life is hard, complicated and messy but I can make it through the day because I have Jack and he is amazing.  He is the only person who “gets” us that I can talk to so that makes us stronger.  I can see how it would be so easy to break though.  Communication and honesty are key.  I can not isolate and get angry.  I have to talk even though sometimes I don’t want to.

I have enjoyed being off the grid.  I have enjoyed not being on Facebook anymore although the encouragement was nice and sometimes I wish I was a little more in the loop but the bad outweighed the good for me so off I stay.  I’m guessing no one even reads this anymore but again that is not the point of writing.  I enjoy that others can find encouragement from reading our experiences for sure but it’s not the only reason to write.  I’m so stinkin thankful I wrote while we were in India.  I don’t remember most of what went on while we were there but I wrote and I’m thankful.

I’m thankful for the life God has given me.  Messy and complicated but it is mine.