All of Me

Well, it’s been a long week.  I absolutely without a doubt have no idea how people go through losses like this without a Savior.  The prayers, encouraging messages and comments and the friend that came over to sit and cry with me that next day are so appreciated that I can’t even explain it.

I had a trip planned during the kids winter break from school to go and visit our friends in Minnesota for Thursday night through Monday and it turned out to be perfect timing for me to run away for awhile.  We took the bus out of Chicago into Minneapolis.  That was an adventure but it was great to be able to just sit and think and pray and listen to music on my iPod.  I started thinking about how we got into all of this in the first place.  If you haven’t read our story, we got into foster care about three years ago with the intention only to foster and never to adopt.  Everyone shook their heads at us saying they knew we would end up adopting and of course they were right.  Our passion was to give kids a glimpse of Jesus while trying to possibly mentor birth parents and when our time was up with that child we would try to focus on what good we did while we could.  God had other plans.  While we did have a few respite placements come through our home, we never had a foster child of our own before Laila and she came as a pre-adoptive placement. While we set up two meetings with her birth parents, they never came so we never really experienced what we thought would come of this.  But of course got so much more in the beautiful little one sleeping in her bed right now.  As I was thinking of this on the bus ride it occurred to me that we got that this time.  While it may seem strange, I think that we were able to be a little part of this boy’s life, though he didn’t know us, and put a little Jesus in there.  He felt like ours, the loss of him feels real, but in the end he belongs with his family but we prayed him back there.  For months we had prayed who we called Judah home but all the while God knew we’d never even meet him.  God knew that his home is Africa.

Over the weekend Jack had the chance to sit down with a dear friend and talk all this out.  (He wasn’t able to go to MN with us because he had to work).  When he called me that night he said “I’m not sure if you’re ready to hear this or not but I don’t believe that was Judah and I think something else is supposed to come of this.”  I knew that too but my heart hurt, and still hurts from this loss.  So knowing he is right but guarding my heart tight, I told him that if he felt strongly about it in God’s leading then I would follow him in his decision to call the director today and tell her to put us on that ever so long waiting list for another child from Africa or back on the waiting child list and possibly even switch countries.  See, we talked about switching agencies but we know Ashenafi lead us to Holt and all of this had nothing to do with their practices.  They did everything correct, it was just a very unusual situation that just happen to happen to us.  So, Jack called and left the director a message that we’d like to talk and when she called him back she told him she had an update about Ashenafi and would like to talk to both of us and that she would call him back when he got home so we could both be on the line.  Is your heart racing??  So was mine.  A million things were running through my mind and we waited for the call.

Let me say again that God answers prayers and it isn’t always the way we want.  While not the news were had one last glimmer of hope that it may be, it was still some amazing news that changed my heart.  Ready?  Ashenafi’s father who disappeared years ago has come back.  This is the reason why they are able to make it through this court process and this is a true reason why he is able to be cared for now.  Also, because of this situation, Holt is going to continue to help this family and help Ashenafi get the medical attention that he needs.  You prayed a family back together.  You did that.  God answered your prayers and our prayers.  I have to tell you that it really feels amazing to know that we helped a family come back together and to know that Ashenafi not only will be with his mother again but also with his father.  God is good.

So where does this leave us?  We are back on the Africa list searching for our Judah.  We have no idea how long it will take but the director did say that our file would be on her desk and not at the bottom of the pile.  Not sure if I had said this before but Ashenafi is the only reason we even got into the Africa program.  Holt’s program is closed and not taking any news families.  With Ethiopia changing so many of their stipulations that list of families is very long and the wait is long.  They let us in because Ashenafi was a “waiting child.”  Now we are in and possibly not going to the bottom of the waiting list (which is 2-3 years long).  I have to open my eyes and see God moving here.  I have no idea how long it will be or who our son will be but I will wait.  How ever long it takes.  See your prayers for Judah have been dual prayers all along without you even knowing it.  They were for Ashenafi and God had a purpose for him and also being sent up for our Judah and the way God is somehow preparing to bring him to us.

One last thing, a while ago I decided on Judah’s song.  I’d like you to read the lyrics here and realize God was preparing us even then for the heartache that would come in the process of bringing Judah home.  We had no idea, but He did.  Pray with us will you?  Pray for clarity and strength and most of all praise the giver of life for His spiritual eyes that we have been able to see this situation through.  It is truly a miracle of Him.

All of Me

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I’m so close to what I can’t control
I can’t give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

(Chorus)
You’re gonna have all of me
You’re gonna have all of me
‘Cause you’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear
You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start

I won’t let sadness steal you from my arms
I won’t let pain keep you from my heart
I’ll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Chorus

Heaven brought you to this moment, it’s too wonderful to speak
You’re worth all of me, you’re worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You’re worth all of me, you’re worth all of me

Chorus (X2)

It’s where I’ll start