Ranjit Day Three

There is so much that goes on in one day and I just want to capture it all and never forget.  Even the hard stuff.  This is all a beautifully woven plan for Ranjit’s and our life that I just don’t want to miss any fiber of the way we have seen God put us together and the way we see him healing all our hearts.  I blog for me and I blog for him.  This is my memory, this is my therapy, this is my outlet.  While I do it for us, I am overwhelmed by the way God is using it to touch the hearts of so many others.  I’ve prayed and prayed for God to use us and our lives to show His glory to others.  I want to be real for Him not just living everyday to the next but living every day to the fullest making a difference in the short time I have here on Earth.  I’m honored to be used in the lives of my children and in the lives of others.  What greater gift, although heavy at times, still the greatest gift possible.

I’m overjoyed that we decided to bring Emma and Jackson on this trip.  It has made things so much smoother for Ranjit and for us.  He still runs to us looking for mommy and daddy, making sure we’re still around but has also attached with Emma and Jackson and loves playing helicopters and Barbies in their room.  This however has been a little bit of a strain as well.  When we adopted Laila there wasn’t as much competition.  She came with her own great set of needs but there was no real sharing of toys or leaving anyone out.  She’s different and more complicated in her own ways but also more easy going.  Ranjit is not the problem.  Emma and Jackson are.  This is more like our transition to three kids than when Laila joined us.  It seems like everywhere we turn there are two of something and they are so gracious to always want Ranjit to have one but then fight over who gets the other.  They fight over who gets to sit by him and are picking on each other’s every move and word.  Maybe this is just their way of transitioning and showing their emotions towards the situation.  It’s not really a huge deal and we’ve gone through phases with them fighting like brothers and sisters do but it just seems magnified right now but I guess probably everything does in the wake of change and exhaustion.

We are also back to the “baby stage” in our marriage where the whole day revolves around the child and when bedtime hits you barely have the energy for a conversation.  It’s something we’ve been through several times now but just thought I’d note it as an observation that it does still happen to you even if your child is 8 1/2 ;)

Want to know the greatest part of yesterday??  I got my first “I love you.” :D.  I had been saying it all day every day and he would just look at me in confusion.  Yesterday in the morning I kissed and hugged him and told him I loved him as I normally do and he said it back!  I was shocked!  He seemed like he wondered why I made a big deal of it which was so sweet.  Like “of course I love you mom!”  I can see him showing his emotions more in all aspects of our relationship and it’s so interesting to see how it balances.

Not sure if this will come out right to try to explain it but here goes.  As the love increases, so does the ability to show vulnerability.  As he hugs us more and told me he loved me, so also comes more grieving for his past and showing me his hurts.  It makes total sense that he would trust me more with his heart and his hurts, it’s just fascinating to actually watch it play out.  As I got my I love you and as he also pulled the waiter aside at breakfast yesterday and pointed out that I was his mommy (just to make sure he knew;) ) I also got a few “no” answers from him when I would ask him to do something instead of everything being “yes.”  I also got more tears at bedtime and in the middle of the night as he grieves for the loss of his old life while not sure how to handle the new.  It is fascinating to watch this child cry himself to sleep and then I wake up with a gigantic smile in my face saying “MOMMY!!!”  He truly does smile with his WHOLE face doesn’t he?? :)  He’s just taking everything amazingly well.  I’m so thankful he feels comfortable to show me his hurting heart but also that God is allowing us these victories in the midst.

I’m not having trouble giving him affection as I thought I might.  It’s totally normal for people not to feel an instant connection to their adopted child and have to force themselves to learn it.  I’m guessing this has something to do with it not being our first adoption.  I think I struggled more with this when we adopted Laila and I truly learned so much through her process.  Those who are struggling with that with your child, take heart!  It will come!  I forget Laila is adopted now sometimes and my heart aches to hold her today as this has been the longest I’ve ever been away from her.  Not sure if/when I might get to a harder stage to bond with Ranjit but I’m so very grateful that my love for him is growing by the minute right now.

Another surprising victory for us has been his eating.  He doesn’t overeat and he doesn’t seem very picky (unless it’s spicy India food).  He eats until he is full and then will leave food on his plate when he’s done.  Yesterday at lunch he even left parle-g biscuits and said he was finished and gave them to Emma.  His table manners have really been coming along and we noticed at breakfast this morning that he isn’t gulping down his juice but taking nice sips.  He was also sitting his glass on the very edge of the table when he would put it down and we would always pick it up and put it above his plate.  We didn’t even tell him he had to but now he just automatically puts it higher himself.  He’s amazing us with how quick and smart he is.

It’s so fun to watch him experience things for the first time like escalators and carbonated drinks.  It’s like living in a whole new world and he’s just an explorer :)

We decided to get a car for the day yesterday and we went to the zoo (aka the snake park!).  Oh good thing Auntie Chanda wasn’t with us!!  Our driver decided he was our tour guide and drove us down through the heart of Pune which was really fun.  I finally saw all the streets lined with vendors selling things like I had hoped for but in that crazy traffic there was no getting out of the car!  We finally made it to the zoo and it cost us rs.125 to get in (SUPER CHEAP)!  At the zoo was our first experience people had been telling us would happen where people asked to have a picture taken with us.  As we were walking around Jack said it felt like we were as much of an attraction as the animals!  I’m really not sure what the attraction is to us but I know Emma in particular got a lot of attention from the other little girls.  I’m guessing it’s the blonde hair.  It was quite interesting but we didn’t mind.  The kids favorite part of he day was when I tried to take their picture by a crocodile and when the camera flashed the crocodile charged at us!  It was pretty crazy!  Ranjit was quiet as he usually is in public situations but he seemed to enjoy the zoo much more than the mall and he did talk a little.  I can’t remember if I had put this in the blog about going to the mall but when we had asked him before we went I said “Do you want to go shopping” and he said “yes!” and I asked “do you know what shopping is?” and he said “no!”  We laughed and laughed.  Well yesterday when I asked if he wanted to go shopping he said “no!”  I guess he figured it out :)

After the zoo we went to meet someone for dinner that I had “met” online.  She has been here for five weeks with her newly adopted son waiting for his passport so I have been reading her blog.  Her husband had been here with her for the first month but now she’s on her own.  We figured it might be nice for her to have someone to eat with and it was nice for us to get to talk to someone who’s been here for awhile and could tell us a few things.  We went to a GREAT restaurant in Koreagon Park and the kids were very well behaved.  It’s always fun to have someone to talk to who’s in the same situation as you and knows what an NOC and an Article 5 are :)

We made mention on the way back to our hotel on the the lack of seeing very many beggars so far on our trip and I think we’ve only seen maybe two children begging.  It’s very strange and I wonder if maybe it will be worse once we get to Delhi.  Maybe it’s just an answer to prayer as we asked many people to pray for how the children would react to seeing the other children in such poverty.

It was time for bed when we got back to the hotel and that seems to be the time that is the toughest for Ranjit, which I heard is pretty typical.  He starts crying after we all pray together and then cries himself to sleep.  I stay with him holding his hand and reassuring him that it’s OK to cry.  Last night he just stared in my eyes and seemed to take in every word as I told him “we will never leave you, we love you and we’re so sad for the loss that you have.”  I just kept repeating things to him like that telling him he’s finally somewhere that will never go away.  While I’m not sure how much of it sunk in, he was definitely listening more intently as I said those types of things.

I’d just like to end today with saying why not Ranjit?  I just keep looking at him knowing that if he spent six more months without us his life would’ve never began.  This boy is so smart and kind and loving and I just can’t even bare to think what would’ve happen to him.  Everyone wants babies and are afraid to adopt older children because they have incurred so much more loss and supposedly more “issues.”  I don’t doubt this is true in many cases and even in Ranjit’s, but why not him?  Why not take a chance on a child that has so much potential but would be a beggar on the street in just a short six more months without a family?  Does he not deserve a life of open possibilities just like any other child?  I’m so thankful God helped our family overcome that fear.  What a joy we would’ve missed out on.

I forgot to post this video a few days ago.  This one’s for you Paula :)