All I Really Want for Christmas

Oh the Steven Curtis Chapman!!  I was waggling my fist at him a bit today.  His song “All I Really Want For Christmas” was my breaking point today.  I teared up over the other kids having to open Judah’s stocking and then over Jackson writing out our favorite line from “Love You Forever” for me for a Christmas present and then I’m rushing around thinking I have it all together and then I’m cooking in the kitchen and this song comes on.  Wow, today was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be but we made it through.  I tried to keep a good balance of letting my feelings out and also eating up this time with our other three kids.  Jack and I stood in the kitchen for a long time last night with Laila just remembering last Christmas and talking about how we always wondered if we would love an adopted child the way we do the bio ones.  We absolutely do and sometimes I wonder if it isn’t just a tab bit stronger because we know how much we had to fight for the adopted ones and remember the heart ache and loss where they came from and are so thankful God chose us to be a part of their plan.  I know to some other people it may seem so weird to you that I would cry over missing a child I’ve never met but it really is true and not so weird when you’ve experienced it before.  It’s something unexplainable.

To my precious Judah on Christmas:  We love you so much already and missed you terribly today.  Daddy and I want you to know how excited this whole family is to know that this is our last Christmas without you.  This is your last Christmas in an orphanage or someplace wondering if you will have another meal.  We’re saving your presents for you for when you come home.  Hopefully in a few months we will get to see you face to face and we pray that somehow God will allow you to understand the love we have for you and help you accept it.  We love you buddy and can’t wait to have you home.

Love, Mommy